A boundary explains what you will do to protect your safety and well-being. It is not a way to control another person’s recovery choices.
Make the boundary specific and workable.
Families may disagree about what support should look like. Before announcing a boundary, think through what you are protecting, what action is within your control, and whether you can follow through. A counselor can help you discuss differences without making the person’s recovery the only focus of family life. Safety concerns need their own plan.
Practical starting points
- Name the behavior and its effect on you.
- Decide what action you can consistently take if it continues.
- Communicate the boundary simply and follow through without escalating the conflict.
- Get support for yourself; families deserve help even when their loved one is not ready.
A conversation example
An illustrative boundary: ‘I can help you compare care options and attend an appointment if you want support. I cannot keep missing work to cover commitments you have made.’ This describes what the family member can offer and sustain. It is not a promise that the other person will respond in a particular way.
Before your next conversation
- What behavior am I addressing, rather than what label am I assigning?
- What can I do consistently without making a threat?
- Who can support me if the conversation is difficult?
Further reading and support
SAMHSA: supporting someone with substance use concerns →Find support for families →
Find free recovery meetings and family support →
Connect With Redwood← All resources